*With a special note of gratitude to my friends who kindly agreed to contribute to this piece. Liza, Florian, Stefan, Aldina, Tea, Lautaro, Aleksandra, Harrison, Thomas, Angelica, Amanda, Ivanildo. You are the shining stars. May your love stories always be beautiful. Happy Valentine’s.
Love is so broadly talked about — featured in pop-culture. People discovered scientific discoveries to love. Love was the reason for starting and ending wars, big rises, major falls, and always major transformations. Love is multifaceted and has many forms and definitions. All people feel and show love differently.
On Valentine’s Day, I reflect on what love is — for oneself, freedom, general and personal, love for another person, and how these concepts are intertwined. Being in a liberty movement for many years, I have seen many friends making wonderful couples.
Often based on core bonding factors: values, views, and shared interests. On Valentine’s Day, I talked to friends from the bubble about love, relationships, personal freedom, and the importance of agreeing with a person on fundamental views. Here’s what they shared with me.
From events to “I love you”
To meet a like-minded person, you, well… Need to be in places where like-minded people gather together. All of the couples I talked to met at the events or, if online, at the groups of interest. And that makes sense. If you are a person who has multiple interests, ambitions and wants to fill life as rich with experiences as possible, you most evidently want to see in a partner a person with whom you can share that.
“Come to the LibertyCon Prague. 😀 You have to mingle in the groups that you are attracted to. Where are your people? Find it and go there. One of my favorite things about my job is that I get to create these little moments in time where I bring people from all walks of life from all over the world who are connected by their core values. It’s a great moment when you see new friendships being made, and you are the reason it came to be. 9 out of 10 times, a new couple will emerge from a seminar or a conference,” shares Stefan Acimovic, the Director of European Programs for Students For Liberty.
Being in an environment that is complimentary to your interests, views, or lifestyle organically boosts the probability of meeting a person who will like and believe in similar things. Take it as a sign to get off Tinder and instead swiping, to look around or, in some cases, to get out of your regular environments.
Ideas, values, goals — hit or quit?
Within time, one often realizes that the values one shares should not be diametrically opposed to the significant other’s. Of course, it does not mean to agree on absolutely everything, and that is important too, but going in similar directions and challenging each other in a positive way definitely is.
“I don’t believe I could ever be attracted to someone who hasn’t developed a clear system of values, including political views. Disinterest or disregard for these matters often signals an underdeveloped personality, which will soon or later reveal inner instability. For me, freedom is the highest value, and any opposition or failure to understand this principle is a red flag. An individual who fears freedom is, I believe, deeply insecure. Instead of embracing freedom, such individuals often seek to escape it, retreating into conformism, to avoid the responsibility and uncertainty that freedom brings,” shares one of my interviewees, and I cannot agree more with them.
Personal freedom here, of course, ends up where the freedom of another person starts. Which means to respect the views and values of another person. To respect their goals and not to limit them from self-expression or pursuing their dreams or chosen path.
“True love begins as a spark between two souls and evolves into a conscious choice,” I read in one answer from my interview questionairrie, “It is a union where each person’s freedom to pursue their happiness is not just respected, but cherished. Love is not a duty or a convention. Free from sacrifice or constraint, it is a celebration of two people who choose each other because they genuinely enrich one another’s lives.”
In the Google Form where I keep all the interview answers, the word “value” appears 24 times. Can we assume that to love means to value? If you look at things from that perspective, you can then think about how much time you dedicate to the one you value, how much you actually value them, how much value they add to your life by their presence, and how that aligns with your other values.
The smarts, the quirks, and the little pretty things we love in other people
It was especially endearing to read the answers to this part of the questionnaire.
A few things that my friends shared about their significant others, and I find that absolutely beautiful:
- His love of life.
- She knows me better than I do.
- How big her heart is.
- She’s crazy smart, never a boring moment around her.
- The moment I tell him I’m feeling sad, angry, anxious — anything — he’s there.
- It’s that sense of humour! She always manages to make me laugh (usually at my own expense).
It’s clear that genuine attraction goes beyond mere appearances. Intellectual stimulation and shared interests, quirks, and mutual respect that transform initial attraction into enduring love.
Love teaches us many lessons, and one of the most important is that distance doesn’t matter when you’re with the right person. Love often comes unexpectedly, and when it’s real, it should feel easy — you shouldn’t have to force things like finding time for each other or discovering common ground. If these things feel like a struggle, it might not be love. It might have been passion at some point, but if your partner feels more like a companion than someone you deeply connect with, it’s time to, well, at least reflect and ask yourself a few questions.
True love means being able to be yourself — nothing more, nothing less. Just you. Yes, the best version of yourself because you shouldn’t settle for mediocrity. But in a good relationship, you don’t need to change — you just need to grow. The right person will love you as you are, and you will love them as they are.
Patience and understanding are key — sharing a life with someone requires time, learning, and compromise, and it’s all worth it. Honest communication is the cornerstone of lasting love; when you’re upfront and clear with each other, fewer issues arise down the road.
Being in a relationship with an individual and starting to share your life together is not easy. Two people with shared values but different experiences, practices, and cultures lead you down a road full of learning, patience, and understanding. And it is all worth it. Honest communication creates fewer long-term issues.
And as cliché as it sounds, sometimes, when you know, you know. As someone shared, “I didn’t know what love was before her. I thought I loved people, but really, I just desired them. Before her, I’d never had the true experience of connecting with a person whose deepest values I shared and whose character I thoroughly admired.”
Being open and transparent simplifies relationships. Your partner can’t read your mind and clear communication is essential to find solutions that work for both of you. When someone truly matters to you, adjusting and compromising become natural.
The final advice collected from all my friends who contributed to the piece to those who are navigating their love, life, and personal freedoms:
- Someone sharing your core values doesn’t mean they are right for you. Identify what your values are and try to engage in networks centered around those values.
- Keep looking. It’s worth it — really worth it. So I’d say, don’t give up. Keep trying. Keep searching. It’s worth it.
- Embody the values you expect to find in someone else. If you want an ambitious partner, you need to be ambitious yourself. If you want someone hard-working, you need to be hard-working too. You need to both live your values and seek out the places where others who do the same can be found.
- Do not hide your values and principles to suit a partner!
- People will come and go, but if you don’t have values aligned so they can complement each other, you are risking having a double, usually unhappy life. Or even worse, sacrificing your values.
- If you’re feeling like you’re loosing your personal freedom, you probably are, and you should at least communicate it.
- Put yourself first. I believe that will naturally attract the right people into your life. When you approach relationships from a place of neediness, you attract people who are also needy or who take advantage of that.
- There’s no contradiction between love and freedom if you’re both rational about your relationship.
- Be direct with what you want and what you expect from others. They will either accept it and start to change, to compromise for love of you, or they will stop being relevant to your life.
A note from the author:
Love is complex yet simple. Quite often people go off their way just to hear a kind word from the one they love, to feel the hope for reciprocity. With great respect and admiration for those who succeed, I think that rarely works. ⠀
If a person wants you in their life, you will know. If they don’t, you will question. When asked “Do you love me?”, they will not bleat, they will not label it as something complicated, but say: “Yes, with all my heart.”
Other answers are a disguised “no.” If a person loves you, this person wants to be there. If you have to beg for the bare minimum, this is a silent answer and you will not like it. If you are important to someone, you will feel that. Because they will feel proud and happy to be around you. If they jump three meters away in the shared social sets, well, you’ve got your answer too.
Sometimes, when we are in love, the feeling itself is already an inspiration. Wings. Without any additional doping, additional stimulant. Love is a verb. Relationships are a two-way street. You don’t have to inspire anyone or entertain. For women, you don’t have to be an all-understanding girl all the time as no one will appreciate this sacrifice. You don’t owe anyone anything. Just as noone owes you. Not always someone’s attitude depends on you. Thus, no need to scold yourself for not being enough.
However, what depends on you — is how you approach yourself. Whether you treat yourself well. Whether you live according to your values and standards, whether you take some time to reflect and think. With finding comfort within yourself, comes a great peace of mind.
Happiness is within. And then, at the right time and place, another reciprocity may come. The person who is worthy of you may come. And I am sure that your person will come.
